Tonight I went to dinner with a friend and a few of her friends. There were times at dinner I felt very awkward, because they all go out with each other multiple times during the week and almost every weekend. I've been out once with them and decided it was not a good idea for me to go out with them again until all of our husbands got back. I just think it inevitably leads to problems.
Anywho..I was sitting there thinking that I felt like Goldilocks, because I feel like I haven't found a friendship yet that is a right fit.
"This friend is a bit too wild, this friend has a family to care for, this friend is a bit too tame, this friend is in a differnet place in their life...etc."
It's just so frustrating to me that I don't have one person here that if something awful were to happen I could call them up and talk to them about it. Instead I have to wait 6 hours until it's a decent time to call my best friend back home. Thank God for her, because I don't know what I'd do without her, but it would just be nice to have someone here too.
34 comments:
You are too sweet! It is so hard at first but when you do they will be a friend for life. I hope it happens soon:) Lots of friends here on your blog though.
Cindy
fighting like a girl
It's hard making new friends!! I can totally feel you!
Making army wife friends is uber hard. I agree! I have 1 here that I would trust with anything and a couple others that are generally good friends. It's taken me 20 months to get that far. Good luck though and you're not alone, it's just hard finding the good ones.
I know exactly how you feel - I'm in the same boat. It's tough but hang in there!
I feel the same way. I tried so hard here at Benning but the ladies I was around the most just didn't seem interested. Most were too tame and had tons of family obligations. Husband and I are so close these days that the whole lack of a really good friend doesn't seem to matter as much. I have a few people I enjoy being around and that's enough.
I discovered your blog yesterday while reading an article on Slate about army wife blogs. I've read back through yours a bit, and just wanted to let you know that I enjoy your story.
I'm sorry it's so hard to make new friends. I'm going to a deployment info session next month and am hoping to meet some fellow air force girlfriends and wives before our men ship off in August... So good luck to both of us, I guess!
I am totally in the same boat. I am really picky when it comes to the "perfect" friend: We don't have kids (yet), I am getting a master's degree, I am interning, I am working... however, most Army spouses live the life of the stereotypical wife with children, a life at home and so on. I just don't fit in there and am usually feeling very uncomfortable.
Aw...
-hugs-
You're not the only person whose best friend lives out of state. Goodness, it's hard to find the 'right fit'.
Amen! Thank you for writing this, because you have no idea how many of us are experiencing the same thing. It kills me not having anyone to turn to in a dire situation. Good grief one woman I thought I was really getting close with flat out told me she didn't have time to help me with the Wee One because she has two now. Even though I dropped everything to help her when she was in need...
Keep on trying! It may take you until the end of your tour in Italy to FINALLY find the "right" friend, but it will be worth it.
I know what you mean, it is SO hard to make new friends! I've JUST started making some good friend, still don't have that ONE, but we're getting there.
Just keep being friendly, look for the good ones and stay away from the mean/bad ones!!!
That has got to be so hard, especially being in a foreign country with your husband gone. I hope you find your person over there, and soon!
I know the Goldilocks feeling all too well. People say I tend to come off as snobby, when I'm really just shy and unsure. I don't like to open up until there's some sense of trust and comfort. It sucks because to build those real relationships, where you're comfortable and compatible, it takes time, and unfortunately in this lifestyle time isn't on our side. It definitely makes me appreciate my close friends (and technology) that much more, even if we are all scattered around the world. I know it's hard, but don't lose hope because when you least expect it your next great friend might be right around the corner :)
I've been having this problem since I moved here to ND a year ago. I have one friend and shes great but she has a REALLY busy life so I get to see her about once every three months. Not so great. The other women I've met are just like you said, not the right fit. The girl that I was going on "friend dates" with recently just hasn't worked out. She was nice and all but it just wasn't clicking for me. I feel guilty giving up a friend because she isn't exactly what I want but it shouldn't be painful to spend time with the person, you know? They really need to write a book about this or something...
I was lucky enough to have found "the one" and we were so close and then the Air Force went and moved her away. LOL Now there's a four hour differance in time. grrrrr. I miss her. I don't have any other really close friends like her here. I totally understand how you feel. Keep your head up and good luck!
:( I totally get it. It just lame.
I was just reading a Glamour article the other day and I keep thinking about it. This girl was talking about how bad it is when her best friend moved way far away, it was crummy because you don't have someone to call up and say "Wanna go to Target? Wanna go to DQ? Wanna come over and do nothing but watch Sandra Bullock movies?" And I was like "YES! Even though she probably had other friends still in her town, I was thinking how for me that's been the most difficult thing about moving.
It takes a while to find friends and it takes even longer to find that special kind of friend that you're comfortable to do those things with.
Its so hard as you get older to make the connections.. Well it was that way for me anyways.. still is. And I know it sounds so bad but some of the women I meet I have to think "should I bother" I mean some people just are not worth the effort to me.. sounds so bad!
Ugh I know what you mean! I've been in Arizona for 3 1/2 years now and don't have a single really close friend. Friends yes, but not a "best". Everyone I know has kids so you can't just do stuff spur of the moment, and they have their priorities. Understandable. I should just have kids too! :P
Part of it is me, though. I really hate talking on the phone. But...I've also been let down by every single best friend I ever had. I've kind of given up.
I wish we were nearby because I feel like I've gone through the same thing with friends here period. I don't really have any "friends" in the FRG in P's unit. Maybe someday we'll be stationed nearby and can hang out instead!
It is so hard trying to find that one friend that you totally click with and can be your "completer" as I call them. I have found in all my years of moving around that I usually end up finding that special person right around a year before they or we move. That year is always the one I remember fondly but it does suck!
It is even harder living overseas because people tend to go into a shell and some even become hermits due to the fact they are just too nervous to get out and explore. I found this time being overseas that the best friends I have met were totally out of any group I ever would have met on my own but I met them online. Since I wrote to them asking if they could tell me more about where we are living now I have found a few really great friends.
Don't give up and I am sure you will find the friend you are looking for. It may just be that the chance meeting hasn't happened or maybe they haven't moved near to you yet. Either way don't give up and keep doing what you are doing. Atleast you seem to get out and enjoy your time still and that is what really counts.
You'd think that since we are all in the same boat there would be more girls that we liked....
Making good girl friends is hard in general, but good military spouse friends is a whole different beast. Hang in there!
I'm sorry to hear that :( making friends is NEVER easy!!! When I moved to Virginia it took me 8 months to make my own friends. We just thought it's another couple to hang out with. We don't mind that they have kids they're awesome kids who love us. They've become some of our closest friends. It's amazing. It comes when you least expect it. I somehow got lucky with moving to san diego because I made yet another life long friend, this time it happened right away. It will happen for you, I know it will.
As a veteran and also the spouse of a veteran, I will tell you to trust your instincts. If they are too wild and go out too much, then stay home, read a book, blog a little more. You don't want to become "the wife who partied too much" while her husband was away. Vicenza is a really small community. You will eventually find someone you connect with. It only takes one friend to make things a bit easier.
I totally feel the same way. I've never had a hard time making friends, until now. I've been at Fort Drum for almost 6 months now and I've tried twice and ugh. lol. I had this impression that FRG would embrace me and we'd all stick together. Nope. I guess when I get a job when hubby deploys will be my best bet. Thank you for posting this though, I don't feel so bad about having a hard time with this.
I def have encountered the same problems. It is very hard to meet army wife friends. I feel like I meet someone, hang out with them and then they meet someone new and I never hear from them again. And I've started to separate myself from the catty army wife drama. It is very hard to meet new friends. I have a small group of close friends and now I've decided that I am done trying to make friends with people who I don't click with. My friend and I joke quality over quantity. And you have all of us blogger friends!!
It is hard making new friends, I have been struggling with this a lot lately.
I feel your pain!!! The husband says its because I come off as a 'bitch' by not talking but its really that Im painfully shy around people I dont know. I am so jealous of all the people that have so many friends down here and are social butterflies. Im hoping when I start working in the fall, it all changes!
I know how you feel! I tried going to the FRG meetings, but everyone else already knows each other, and the last one that I went to-not a single person even talked to me. It is so frustrating and high schoolish!
This friend loves to travel. This friend loves to take pictures and look at yours. This friend would sit next to you and help drink a few bottles of wine. This friend hope you know she thinks of you as a friend! :)
This friend might be in Germany at the end of the year! Shhhh don't tell aynone else!
I know exactly how you feel.
Aw, hang in there. It's always hard making new friends. You'll find some great people soon!
You seem like so much fun! I wish we lived in the same city! We would hang out! :-) I know what you mean about finding friends in a new city. It takes time but you'll find some cool girls soon!
This has to be one of the most common complaints with us Military wives. With everyone feeling the same way, I hate that it's even an issue!
That being said, it is so hard to meet someone that you just click with. It's totally like dating and trying to find someone you want to marry! Don't settle by hanging out with women you don't really see eye to eye with - especially those that are a little too wild - my God, no one needs that reputation!
Keep trying! You really do ROCK and anyone would be lucky to have you as their BFF!
could not agree more with this post!! It is sooo difficult to find a group of girls that you "fit" with. My problem is that most everyone here has their "clicks" per se and while a couple of the girls are really friendly, there a few who are hard to read and rather stand-offish. Hope you find some soon, but know that you are not alone in this struggle!
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