Monday, December 17, 2007

Crunch Time

It's getting down the last days before my wedding, well techincally my second wedding. I obviously count the first since I consider July 5th to be my anniversary, but this one is more of the actual ceremony.

Anyway, while I was at work today I made a list of everything I still had to pay for and buy for this wedding and it really worried me. Sean and I are pretty low on money. We are young, newly married and neither of us makes that much money. Christmas is just around the corner and we still have people to buy for, plus move and do this whole wedding thing.

For a wedding we are still coming in relatively cheap. Under $2500 is my guess and that just amazes me with everything we are doing.

I know it will all work out wonderfully and the day will be so special for Sean and I and all the special people that are going to share it with us. I'm just a worrier and so I worry about the details of my life.

Tonight is my last night to work at the library. The staff got me a going away card and cake. I'm not shedding any tears though, even though I will miss my co-workers. I know the waterworks won't start until I say goodbye to my close friends and family. What makes it all worthwhile though will be the fact that I'm finally going to be able to live with Sean. Five months of being married and not even being able to live together is trying. We've certaintly had our share of tough times in the months we've been apart.

I'm so excited to start out life together, but also very nervous. I know it's going to be an adjustment for the both of us, just like it is with every married couple. I just want to enjoy each day that we are together and grow closer as a couple.

I think before the wedding I may sit down and write him a letter of everything I hope and want for us. Then maybe I should give it to him on our first anniversary this July. To see how far we've come in those few months.

I am more than ready for this new adventure in my life. Bring it on!

Saturday, December 8, 2007

A disagreement

I'm having a bad day today. I just need to get my frustrations out. I'm stressed out right now. Christmas, wedding and moving all in one month will do that to you. I still have bills to pay and preparations to make.

To top all of that off I really haven't gotten to talk to Sean much this week. I've missed him a lot and just been sad about being apart, even though I know it's only about 12 days until I see him again.

Today he and I are having a disagreement about a situation that is hurtful to me. He won't compromise on this situation though, he keeps telling me to trust him, trust him. It's not an issue of trust with me. Obviously I trust him since we've been living 9 hours apart for the last 5 months since we've been married. I want him to stop this particular situation that is hurting me immediately! The fact that he won't hurts me a lot. More than I've ever been hurt by another person.

I think that's why marriage is sometimes so scary to me. Because there are so many wonderful moments that you share with your spouse, but who can hurt you more than they can? No one can. I compromise a lot in my marriage, which I know is what married couples do. In this situation though I'm not. There is simply NO compromise in this particular instance. It's either one way or another and if Sean doesn't do that, then I don't know what is going to happen to us.

Obviously divorce is not an option for me, I married this person for better or for worse, I'm not giving up on him or us. I just wish sometimes he would recognize how selfish he can be and try to work on that. I know I have things to work on myself and I am trying to do my best. I have setbacks every once in awhile and I know I am not perfect. I still have a lot of growing up to do, but so does he and sometimes I feel like I'm tired of giving in.

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

Is there such a thing as a Bridesmaidzilla?

Let me start off by saying that I do love and adore my good friend/roomate Gina. She is a wonderful friend to me and is such a giving person.


She is driving me nuts about my upcoming wedding! There have been several times where I have had to bite my tongue in order not to say something rude to her. I do not like feeling this way towards any friend of mine.

The problem is that with almost everything I pick out with the wedding Gina has an issue with. Even my own engagement ring! I would say I would like something and she would wrinkle her nose and just give me a look.

The look said it all! "I don't like that and I don't understand why you do either."

It's gone that way for almost everything. I just don't feel like I need to justify to her why I am choosing the things that I am for my wedding. I don't mean to sound like a Bridezilla here, but it is Sean and I's wedding. Not Gina's! I am glad she is a bridesmaid, but I think she should save her opinions and her choices for her own wedding. I only want her opinion when I specifically ask for it.

She is basically doing all my floral decorations in the wedding and I do appreciate that immensely and am taking in the fact that she has done this before, but when I say I want something done with the flowers she gives me that look again and tells me I should do it another way.

This has happened with how I want my hair for the wedding. I want it down, she wants it up. My make-up. She wants me to be dramatic, I want to look like myself. The rehearsal dinner- I want it at one of my favorite places ever to eat, she doesn't want to come because she doesn't like the food.

This is all really getting on my nerves. I am to the point now where I'm really not even enjoying the wedding planning because I am tired of the negativity I am getting from her.

Monday, December 3, 2007

December to Remember

December this year is going to be absolutley crazy. In a good way though.

Here is a small sampling of what I have to do this month

1. Finish buying Christmas gifts. I started earlier this year then I did last year, but I'm still nowhere close to being done. I still have a large amount of gifts that I still need to buy.

2. I am working at Sears from 7-5 for the next couple of weeks due to the holiday hours. I'm praying the amount of grumpy customers will be at a minimum.

3. I need to go get my car's oil changed as well as the fluid levels checked and possibly get a new fuel filter on it. I really should get it aligned as well, but I really can't afford that right now.

4. I need to get my hair highlighted sometime in the next week or so in order for it to look good for the wedding. I want to give it a couple of weeks to adjust. I just feel like my hair looks better after it's been highlighted for a few weeks.

5. The 20th I am picking up Sean in Louisiana, as that is when his block leave starts. We are then coming back up to Oklahoma to spend Christmas with the family. This will only be the second time he's met my family so I am praying that it all goes well.

6. After Christmas it's only 4 days until our wedding. I'm going to be super busy getting stuff ready for that. It's so overwhelming at times, all that goes into a wedding. Sometimes I wish I could afford a wedding planner to do it for me, but then I think some of the fun goes out of it.

7. After the wedding we will be packing up my apartment and I will be moving to Louisiana. I told the apartment office today I would be out by the 3rd of January which gives me about 4 days to get everything together after the wedding.

Just thinking of all the things I need to do blows my mind!