Let me start out by saying I love kids, I love my friends who have kids and one of these days I do want kids, but everytime I go to an FRG meeting I feel like it pushes my desire to have kids farther and farther back on my timeline.
I don't know if it's because I don't really know most of the women or we just have a plethora of badly behaved children,but everytime I'm at an FRG meeting with tons of kids I just want to scream.
I think it's because the women who have children in our group talk about nothing but their children, not TV shows, not their husbands, not their interests. It's all kids...all the time. Also I witnessed several diaper changes while I was eating as well as a mother who ate a piece of food that her child spit out. Maybe if I was a parent I wouldn't be bothered twice by those things, but the reality is that currently I am not and I was a bit grossed out by both those occurences. Diapers don't really bother me, but while I'm eating? I just find that inappropriate.
Am I the only one who feels this way after an FRG meeting?
37 comments:
It's definitely a mom thing. When you become a mother your whole world revolves around your child, and you wouldn't want it to be any other way! Maks is only 14 months old, so I remember life as "not a mom" as well... and it seriously is such a life changing experience. You wouldn't even believe the change your mind will go through as soon as you become a mother! And you won't regret it one bit!
I have been to one FRG meeting. Total. I hate, hate, hate them.
I completely agree with you!!
I am a Mom and diaper changes no longer bother me, as long as the Mom takes the kid away from the large group to change said diaper. I also don't get the eating food your child just spat out! GROSS!
My life does currently revolve around my son, but I love having adult conversation about things OTHER than children. It sounds like you just have a different bunch. I promise that if you get around other women who want to discuss other topics your reaction may change.
Changing diapers in public rubs me the same way breastfeeding does. It's something that may change after the baby is born, and I understand the idea of conveniences and survival. But certainly there are ways to avoid changing a diaper in a place where others are eating? Putting human feces near food sounds like a bad idea.
I am our FRG leader and a mom to a 5 month old. I must say that I understand both sides. A lot of the older kids make me want to scream because they are out of control. I would not eat food that my child had spit out. Food they took one bite out of? Sure, but no pre-chewed food thanks. When it comes to diapers and breastfeeding though I often just do it out of the way, but not necessarily out of the room. Alot of it is either a mom thing or if you grew up in a big family where there were always babies and kids crying etc. I don't think it's a big enough deal to stop attending meetings over though. Then again, there are days that I wouldn't attend if I weren't in charge ;)
The diaper and food thing = DISGUSTING. My sister has 2 little girls and never does stuff like that. I'm pregnant with my first and just hearing about/witnessing things like that makes me very aware to not be like that - thank you for the post!
(Not at all a dig at Mrs. Mike because) I hear women say all the time "it's a mom thing" and it makes me even more determined to not take my boobs out in public or change a poopy diaper in the middle of a meeting.
I also think a lot of people don't realize it when they go "one-tracking" and forget there is other stuff to talk about. Women who just get engaged will only talk about their weddings and people that come back from long trips only want to talk about where they just came from...I bet if they were gently made aware - even if you just kept politely changing the subject - they might hopefully have more to talk about!
you're not alone. It's like that for church for me too..
Well I can't really weigh in on this since I've never been to an FRG meeting, but I'd feel the same way you do!
I hate hate HATE it when moms just talk about their kids. I mean, they are right there, why on earth are you talking about them and not something else. I try my darnest not to even bring up my kids in cnversation. If someone specifically asks something, sure, but otherwise you'd be hard pressed to know they exist. I'm with them all day, heck if I'll talk about them if I don't have to!
I always go into the bathroom to change my kids, and if no changing table is available, then I do it in the Durango.
I did notice that myself at FRG meetings. A lot of people don't discipline their children and they run around like heathens. Annoying! It doesn't change when you have kids...other kids still annoy me.
Hahah, I saw this on FB and just laughed and laughed. Then read it to my husband and laughed more. I so appreciate the giggles.
I feel like you just described many of the FRG meetings I have attended!! My hubby and I are still on the fence about children for some of the many reasons you mentioned. I know I shouldn't let misbehaved children or "mom talk" deter my desire to have children, but sometimes when it's right there in your face it's hard not to cringe at the idea. I know not all moms or children are that way, but unfortunately it seems that the majority of the one's I've seen in public or been around are that way. And as far as the public diaper change...that is what public restrooms were invented for...people need to be more considerate.
OK...ewww on the diaper changing thing. I would feel terrible changing Brenden's diaper right by someone else's food, especially my own! And the spit out food eating...ick ick ick. I'm not one to eat anything that has drool on it, either. I usually just pretend if Brenden offers it. :)
I know that I talk about my kiddo too much and I've noticed that it happens when a bunch of moms get together. Of course, I learn the most when I'm in those settings. I've learned great things about potty training and eating habits...stuff like that. Things that you would really care less about. :) And FRG meetings, unfortunately, are often filled with tons of moms so you'll probably be in the minority, which stinks. But for moms it's a great thing. They probably don't realize they are even doing it. It's just what they deal with, day in and day out, and bouncing ideas and thoughts off other people is nice.
And how other people let their kids act...it still bothers me. What I realized really fast was that MY kid didn't act like that, never would, and that was what made the difference. He says "please" and "thank you" and "no thank you" and knows that if he screams and acts like a heathen then he'll go in time out, no matter where we are. Their choices don't have to be yours.
Wow...I'm long winded today. Sorry!
I'm a mom, but I have to say that changing a diaper in front of someone who is eating is just rude. Go to the restroom, do your business and the rejoin the party. Oh and I wouldn't dare eat something my child spit out. That is gross.
I will say while those things are super gross and I'm sorry they happened in front of you. This would be a good time to take notes and say, I'm not going to do that as a parent and stick to it. Please don't push mommydom further back on your timeline, because of said events. I would think it out and realize that no two parents are alike and the same goes for children, keep an open-open mind, even though you've gone through said situations. Sorry you had to witness that and I hope it doesn't happen again.
I've nannied, and I know it's not always the "easiest" thing to change diapers elsewhere, but for the kid's sake and my own, I prefer to do it in private or away from the group. It's easier because you have fewer distractions and also a little more sanitary!
Eating the food they spit out is just gross though!
Im with you.. I have no desire to re-produce right now. I hate that all functions we go to the topics of conversation are all about children. I love children, my life in a sense revolves around them at work, but when Im at home, I need a break. We are the only people in our social circle that are childless so it makes it hard sometimes. I went to a FRG meeting once and a mom swore her child loved me and he wanted to sit in my lap. She plopped him in my lap, complete with smooshy, poop in his diaper, that was stinky and all. I was disgusted. I didn't even know their names! You are not alone!
I'm not sure if I have introduced myself before but I've been following your blogs for a while now. I'm an Army wife and this is my blog latinusarmywife.blogspot.com
I wouldn't change my baby's diaper (never did) in public because you just don't know who may have dirty things in their mind. I never showed off my boobies when nursing but I did nurse in public. I just consider unnecesary to show your boob if there are ways to be discrete. I always remember a day my father came to see my daughter and wanted to take her from my arms because he thought I was been mean and not sharing her, when I told him I was nursing he blushed but told me it was nice I wasn't making anyone uncomfortable by showing off. Eating from your baby's food is disgusting! My children have always been admired by all around us because they have always being very well behaved, they have never interrupted a conversation, even when they were toddlers. And about your conversation topics, it all depends on people's level of education. People who read, watch news, and see themselves as woman who happen to have children will hold a conversation about just everything. But young mothers who haven't further their education are more likely to talk about their children all the time. At least that has been my experience so far. Having children changes you but it doesn't take from you it just adds to who you already are.
I'm a mom and I would never do any of the things you have described. My life does not revolve around my child, his life revolves around mine. That doesn't mean he isn't well cared for. I am a woman with interests other than just my child. My child is a part of my life, not my whole life. I think that living my life that way, I am more interesting to people and can conversations other than what my child's favorite toy is.
Ew and ew. I DO NOT understand eating the food your child just spit out. Who does that?! (well besides that disgusting lady...) As for diaper changes, please, no shit near my food else I might vomit on yours. =]
I always feel that way after FRG meetings! I always joke that going to the FRG meetings is my birth control for the month
I've never been to a FRG meeting. But the diaper thing is completely inappropriate!
All my friends who have kids are NOTHING like that! That's just nasty. Was there not a bathroom for them to change the kids in or something??
I have to laugh because the other day at my inlaws I had to change a poopy diaper with my corn dog clenched between my teeth for fear that my toddler would steal it and I wouldn't get anything else to eat for the night.
Your sense of reality, perception, and senses will do a complete 180 when you have kids. I have changed diapers almost anywhere and everywhere, I have breastfeed just as many places if not more. When you have kids and something needs tending to, sometimes you just don't have the time to gather everything up and head off to some place else. Especially when you have other kids. Ever try to round up 3 other kids at the park because 1 kid needs a diaper change? Good luck on that one.
Our unit won't even schedule a meeting unless childcare (via CYS) is available. I'm glad because (this is going to sound awful) I just don't like kids, although I can't wait to have kids of my own.
I have a kid and other people changing their kid's diapers in plain sight and view of others (besides in the bathroom) disturbs and disgusts me! I saw a person changing a baby diaper (well, of a 2 year old looked like) in the booth at a sit down restaurant one day, I saw another person changing their big kid diaper on the trunk of a car one day. um EWWW!!! Why people do you think I want to see that?
And if my daughter spits out something that she has tried, I WILL NOT PUT IT IN MY MOUTH! GROSS! I will quickly swipe it up into a napkin or something similar so that I do not have to look at it.
I try to talk about other stuff, especially if somebody is talking about how great their kid is (while they are like licking the floor) I either walk away or try to change the subject.
PS: found your blog by way of Army Blogger Wife!
Changing the baby's diaper around people eating? That's just nasty. At least move to an area not near food/people eating. & the Mom eating the spit out food is gross. I've seen things the other way around - Mom chewing food for the baby, but never the baby chewing food for Mom! haha
Totally agree with you. I don't care if I gave birth to the kid or not, I am not going to put anything in my mouth he or she may have spit out. And the diaper changes??? Can they not go somewhere more private?? At our spouse events, the children are allowed to act like badgers. The kids run around, screaming, nearly tripping waitresses/waiters and the moms are like "Oh, that's so cute". I decided the January meeting was my last.
I'm currently the FRG leader and I refuse to scream over the kids like our last one did. I make sure we have child care or a play area b/c I'm not a mom and don't want to be so it does bother me.(I don't hate kids, we just don't want any) And changing a diaper while people are eating is disgusting. I have a few wives that I know that don't talk about anything other than their kids and I don't get it. I feel like even though you should definitely love your kids more than anything, you shouldn't lose your identity as a person. But to each their own...
I adore both my babes and my hubby. If talking freely, I adore talking about them all... and running, and design, and repurposing, and photography. Life with them is perfectly wonderful, sometimes peaceful, sometimes chaotic.
As far as the other stuff besides talking about your kids... definitely can say, even as a mommy I've been grossed out and came home giggling to my hubby about something that happened at a playgroup, or at an event that I'm glad I got a sitter for.
Naw, you are not alone. I am 34 and still don't have kids. I keep pushing it back too, I used to be bad and call other people's kids "birth control" for myself. I sure hope I don't have a kid who's an ass when I finally do have a baby. But I guess by then I'll be senile!
HAHA! you are not alone. every FRG meeting i go to, someone brings their screaming, sprinting, spitting child and ignores them the whole time. yea okay, this might be bad parenting, but it would HUMILIATE me if my kid acted like that in a room of 50 spouses.
yes. FRG mtgs. loathe.
I totally understand that babysitters can be hard to come by and people have to bring their kids to the FRG meetings....but FRGs, set up hourly care! It's free, parents just have to drop their kids off and they are in the same building (I totally understand the exception for small infants.)
We have had FRG meetings in the past where people were flat out told children are not allowed. That of course had to do more with the subject matter of the meeting, and not b/c they were anti-kid.
I've seen both sides, and I try to be very conscious of my child's behavior. If I'm taking him somewhere I need to go (ok, so that's everywhere) and I know that if I put him down to walk, he's going to run...I don't put him down. Yeah, I carry him and push him in the stroller everywhere, but that's because A) I don't feel like chasing him, and B) neither does anyone else.
That's pretty much all I wanted to say, except that you CAN breastfeed discreetly in public - I did it for 14 months without anyone seeing a thing. I don't ever eat Jericho's chewed-up food, but I will eat the rest of his cereal or food that's only been bitten. And for the record, not all restrooms have a changing table. Not that I'd change him anywhere near food, but I'm also not changing him where he can catch something icky. Sometimes you just have to get it done wherever you can.
Yuck! I've told my husband I'm good with blood and guts, but poop, vomit, etc. will have me running out of the room. I know baby poop isn't as bad, but I seriously gag every time I have to clean an adult's messy butt.
GAh. I don't attend FRG meetings but I think "it's a mom thing" is universal. I don't have kids either. My husband and I are planning one at this time but my biggest fear is I will lose myself! What you described is exactly what I don't want to be. I have hobbies, I have interests, I play music, I write, I paint, I shoot photography, I read books. I get that my "time" for these things will decrease after becoming a mom, but I dont' want to lose my passion for them or stop talking about them.
I've seen a few bloggers do this as well. They had a pretty random blog and after kids..BAM. All about kiddo.
Childrearing really is pretty all-consuming, and this is especially true for military wives, who tend to be living far from grandparents (no free babysitting) and other trusted people who would normally provide some respite childcare.
It's like men talking about their work when they get together with other dudes in their field. Maybe you think that's lame, but hey-- these gals are on call basically 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. When they meet each other, look out!
Might well be the only time some of 'em have been out of the house in a week.
But yeah, you do lose a lot of that "Personal Identity" for four or five years, generally.
Heck, I'm too scared to call a teenager off the Red Cross list to come watch my kids while I go to the dentist. So my teeth are probably rotting out of my head right now.
*rolls eyes at self*
Anyway, yes, FRGs can set up hourly care through the Child Development CEnter, but all the kids have to be registered with CYS (at 30some dollars per child) and the parents have to go thru orientation, which is an all-day ordeal.
Lots of people won't do all of that just to attend FRG meetings.
So, you're going to wind up with scads of kids and their tired young mothers putting up what's hopefully a brave front.
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