Wednesday, March 25, 2009

An Officer and a Gentlemen

I'm sure some of you are puzzling about the title of my blog.

Let me ask you this, has your husband ever tried to encourage you to become an Officer in the military?

For some reason Sean has this idea in his head that I should go to OCS (Officer Candidate School) and become an officer in the Army.

The first couple of times he mentioned it, I thought he was joking. However, he's like a dog with a bone, he won't give it up!

The other day he brought home the PT scores that I'd be expected to pass to get into OCS.

First of all, I have no interest in becoming an Officer in the Army, or any branch for that matter. It's simply not something I want to do or feel like I need to do.

That being said I have great respect for women who are in the military, officer or enlisted, it's something that I don't think I'd be good at. That's me being 100% honest. I also am in awe of those that both them and their spouse are in the military and somehow manage to have a somewhat normal life and raise children.

I know raising kids and having a successful marriage with both partners in the military is possible, but I honestly think it must be very difficult. I know of several couples that are dual-military and they aren't even stationed together.

I don't know why exactly it is that Sean wants me to be an officer. He seems to think because I have the college degree and I'm not doing anything specific with it that the military would be great.

A. I'm afraid of going to bootcamp. I don't handle being yelled at well and it doesn't seem like a barrel of laughs.
B. I don't want to be stationed away from Sean, I don't want to have the added stress of having kids and us both being in the military.
C. Nowhere in my job plans does it involve the military. Photographer? Yes. Librarian? Perhaps. Army Officer? No.

Several times I've tried to explain to Sean that if he wants an officer in the family than he needs to do Green to Gold and go to OCS himself, somehow that idea always gets shot down. I told him the last time we had this discussion that how would he like it if he had plans for his career and I kept telling him he needed to do something different. I know he wouldn't like that and quite frankly neither do I.

So, lay it on me. Has your husband, significant other ever tried to push for you being an officer?

Women in the military, what are you thoughts on this?

42 comments:

Allison said...

That's funny that you post this today because just yesterday at work this recruiter came into our unit and asked me if I had ever considered becoming an air force nurse. Umm..no thanks :)

Having seen both sides (working in a civilian hospital and working in a military hospital) I would never EVER join the military. For the nursing career, you can make SO much more $$ on the civilian side without having to put up with the military nonsense (getting called in on your day off to pee in a cup, getting called in on your day off to do a 3 mile run with your company, etc etc etc...)

Maybe for other careers it would be a good choice...but for nursing, no thank you :)

Army Duck said...

Haha.. Before B enlisted I had thought about it but like you I am hell afraid of bootcamp and I'm not going to enlist if I know there is no guarantee that we would be posted together.

It's funny that our men are so alike though

Brando said...

Our situation is the exact opposite- I'm always trying to convince him to let me join! He is always saying, "No way in hell" but mostly b/c of what you fear- not being stationed together, the chance of me getting deployed, etc. We have friends who are both military and although they are lucky to be stationed together now, it is usually a struggle to get the same duty station.

Lindsay said...

YES! *R* has totally pushed me to do this! We've discussed this before haven't we?

Seriously, it took 3 or 4 fights and one set of tears and he has finally dropped it. Although now he keeps pushing me to get a job with the Federal Government so it will be easier for me to transfer. Which I'm okay with, ebcause that does make sense. But actually joining?
Oh HELL to the NO!

Jon and Steph said...

How interesting. I don't think I would be good for the military either because I have a lot of the same concerns as you. I think you should stick to what makes you happy ;)

Megan said...

My husband has brought it up once or twice but he knows that the chances of us being stationed together are slim. I also don't take being yelled at very well either (there would be a lot of tears). He also brought home the pt scores and told me what I would need to do. I greatly respect all women in the military and what they do but it's definitely not for me.

Air Force Wife said...

No...my hubby will be an officer and has told me that I'm only allowed to work until we have kids and then no more work for me! I myself did JROTC in high school and almost signed up for Army, changed my mind with 9-11 happened. I am an only child and did not want to go over seas right out of high school.

tootie said...

I've been in the military, and don't worry about boot camp, etc. You definitely could do it!

The real question is whether you WANT to do it. I ended up getting out of the military because I wanted to be with my husband, and I didn't want to worry about us being assigned to different places. And eventually we want a family, and I thought it would be hard to have kids and both of us in the military.

The Wife said...

Well I have had the opposite happen.
I have always WANTED to join the military. In fact, before I met the husband I was on track to join the Air Force. Something that the husband is none to happy about. I think he feels that one of us deploying is enough.

kd said...

My husband is adamant that I never ever ever ever join the military!

He thinks I could do the training, he just doesn't think I could handle the BS of every day life. :)

The Wife said...

Oh for the ball, short dress is fine!

lolaberly said...

Matt hasn't ever tried to convince me -- actually, one day I put on his hat and tied my hair up in a little bun and it FREAKED HIM OUT. Men are so strange. I actually considered doing MI for a bit, but like you I'm terrified of boot camp. I think that I would end up laughing in someone's face if they started screaming at me, and then they'd yell at me "What is so funny!?!" and then I'd laugh more, and it'd just be bad. My arms would fall off from all of the pushups they'd make me do for insubordinating. Annnd that's why I'm not in the military.

Kebi Cedawna said...

I think I'd be scared out of my mind about boot camp too. There's no way in hell I'd join the military. I honestly don't think I could hack it.
Keep with what is your passion :)

Brittne said...

Hi, I'm new to your blog here! My husband has been in the AF for a little over a year now, and In october I made the decision to join myself. I havent gone to basic yet, but I was sworn in back in December and am waiting for my specific job to open up.

Now with my situation, I will choose a job that is very common and I will be 90% guaranteed to be stationed with my husband. Granted thats not 100% but pretty darn close!! We dont have kids yet and arent really planning to for about 5 years. I'm only enlisting for 4.

But as far as the basic thing goes, I hate getting yelled at too, but I have spoken with many women who have gone through it and what I have learned is that If you go in with the right mentality you'll do just fine. I will have to let ya know afterwards though ;)

Via said...

Haha no, no. B has never asked me to become an AF Officer, or do anything in the military. But, I'm with you. Yelling at me? I think not.

Mary Teresa said...

I think its funny he's pushing you towards it. haha. My husband has told me that if i joined he'd have to have me committed. Lol. I a.)don't put up with stupid people well (the army is full of them it seems) and b.) have a tendency to cry when I get in trouble, even if it's not my fault. I'd fail miserably.

But positive note, at least he thinks that you'd could handle the pressure.

Running In Stilettos said...

My hubs is an officer in the USMC and he always teases me about it, but he knows I wouldn't last a day.

There were times when we first got married, he'd come home and bark an order and I'd get upset. He'd laugh and say, "sorry, I forget that I can't use my command voice at home." ha ha ha ( I guess his Marines don't cry when they get fussed at, like I do)

Not to mention, I won't even go camping or garden b/c I hate dirt. There is no way I am digging a hole to poop in, much less sleep in. Sir, NO THANK YOU...Sir!

Kasey said...

My husband goes through this every so often. He tells me that it would be 'so easy' for me to do.

He has laid off this idea a bit since we had our second child, but just last week he was trying to convince me of how good idea it was.

Um, no. I can't stand to be away from my kids for 1 night, nevermind 9 weeks for BCT and 12 weeks for OCS.

1 Hot Dish said...

I'm totally with you...I don't think I'd make it through bootcamp - I don't enjoy being yelled at.

And just like Allison pointed out, since I'm going into nursing I would much rather work on the civilian side of things.

Plus, I know a few militray couples that are in the same branch and aren't stationed together....which is just really heart breaking, especially for the ones with little ones. :(

OH! I forgot to comment on your blog about the dress choice, I vote for the turquoise. :)

Erin said...

My husband has never suggested this to me. As much as he loves me, he knows I am just not cut out for it (my aversion to early mornings and all).

Casey said...

My husband has NEVER said that. Neither has anyone else. Should that tell me something?

toodydolly said...

Its an interesting idea going OCS. However there is a regulation since 2001 that enlisted and officers cannot be married. you both have to be enlisted or both be officers. You can no longer even obtain a waiver for a dula military family with both enlisted and officer. You can always use that as an excuse! But if he wants to go OCS and you do, you're good. BCT isn't hard at all...trust me. its a breeze. But the OCS part isn't so much fun. good luck. tell him you'll get a GS position. that way you can have all the federal benefits, holidays, transfer easily and still be a civilian! good luck

Jessie said...

It wasn't an easy decision for me to join, and the basic experience was very emotionally taxing. Even the girls I know how are in say it is still hard, especially if you want to have a family! I think my husband feels horrible now for encouraging the idea, and thinking of the monetary pros as opposed to my emotional health. If you don't think you would be as happy in the "tree suit" as he is, then you probably won't be! :)

Miss Adventure said...

Wow the amount of responses to this are amazing! I mean look at all these strong women who have even just THOUGHT about the military life for themselves (outside of being a spouse I mean)! I had once upon a time thought about military life for myself, but living the almost-spouse life, I realize how difficult it would be and I think that finishing college will be my contribution to the relationship for now. Awesome topic!

Mrs. Jetplane said...

my hubby is an officer in the USAF, and we have discussed it, but its a no go for me. OTS - Officer Training School for the USAF is not exactly the same as boot camp - you are being taught different things, their focused on making you a leader. That doesn't mean its not physically challenging and you don't get yelled at b/c you do. The other thing to consider is the enlisted v. officer thing, you aren't supposed to be in a relationship, unless you've been given the ok. I'm not 100% sure of all of the details.

Also, if you're a mil to mil I believe that they don't have to have you both stationed at the same base you just have to be within 4 hours of each or something like that. We know a couple that were both in the flight program, she quit the program and went to into logistics only to be shipped off to a base 2 states away. They got married and she got out of the military because they won't be able to live together. We also know another couple - both officers and one is in fighters and the other is working for NASA, they are engaged and will never be able to be stationed together unless one of the quits. Mil to Mil can be good but can also add another level of issues with it.

I personally, I'm not interested. But I have suggested my girlfriend who is a dentist to look into OTS and she'll come in as a fairly decent ranking officer, probably a captain or higher, and she'll get to go back to school for free.

The military has its advantages for some people but just not for me.

Becca said...

Well, since I met my husband while we were both in the military, it really hasn't been an issue! I stayed in for 5 year total, 3 of them were with us together, then I got out when I was pregnant with my 1st child.

Being a dual military couple was HARD!! Even though we were stationed together, it seemed like we never saw each other. We were both very happy with my decision to leave the army.

Every now and then he says, "If you'd stayed in you'd be a SFC by now!" or something like that. Being in the military was great when I was young and single, but I had a hard time with authority (yeah, not so great for a soldier).

As far as Basic Training, that is something that sounds scarier than it actually is. Because of a stupid injury and stupid paperwork, I actually went through Basic twice! So it's not all that bad. In many ways it's fun and I loved doing things that I never would have imagined myself doing.

We just spent 4 years at OCS, so I know all about that. Hubby was a 1SG there so if you or Sean had any questions about OCS, I've got an expert at hand.

I like both dresses! Just ask yourself which one do you want to have a photo of on the wall. I've got a formal to attend in May and I don't even have dresses to choose from yet!

indiana.girl said...

Good lord, no! And I am like you, scared to death even to try. I kinow right off the bat I would be horrible at it and Keith would have a fit if I tried.

d.a.r. said...

Hhahahahahaha. I was actually recruited to do attorney work for our JAG office. My husband FREAKED. No way, he would spaz if I came home and told him I wanted to be an officer. Plus, it would be weird for one of us to outrank the other.

No way. Thanks anyhow!

. Becca . said...

I was actually thinking of becoming a Marine Corps officer a few years ago. Looked into it seriously, but we decided that it wasn't a good decision in terms of our marriage. C'est la vie.

Hannah Noel said...

lol, no he has not. Although we aren't quite married yet!

Hey-- I'm an Okie too!

Megan said...

haha! Oh my gosh my husband would HATE it if i were in the military and would probably want to "disown" me if i became an officer. He's waay too competitive for me to have close to the same occupation as him. All of our arguments are over him insisting he's right all the time.

jlc said...

My first thought was my favoriteeeee film with Richard Gere.

And yeah, Bumz has tried to coax me into it a few times. Jokingly of course.

R1-n-R2 said...

once I mentioned (jokingly) that I should look into joining the AF to pay for my nursing school. Husband kind of freaked out. It surprised me that he got all uppity about it, but in reality, I would never have the nerve to join. Too often I get a case of the giggles at the wrong time. And even more often, I say the wrong thing to the wrong person. It's all about what you want to do....after all, you wouldn't go into teaching or law if you didn't have the desire to teach or practice law, would you?

Jessica said...

When Trey first started talking about joining the Army, a lady at my office said it would be a GREAT idea for me to join as well. I laughed at her thinking she was joking.. she wasn't. She clearly does not know me well enough! I have so much respect for those that do, but it's definitely NOT for me!!

Golfer's Wifey said...

Both my husband and I are in the military. I have been in for 9 years and he has been in for 17. I love it and wouldn't change it for the world (well maybe sometimes!). We have been stationed apart for a while and the first year of our marriage we were apart 10 months. Thank GOD we aren't Army or it would have been longer. I went to Afghanistan for 5 months just 2 months after he returned from a 5 month tour.

I am trying to get my nursing degree, but as a previous commenter said, I would NVER be a nurse in the military. My husband tried to pressure me before but let it go after I put my foot down. So, I feel your pain on this one!

SinGal said...

This post made me giggle. My ex was in the Air Force and wanted me to do the same. He was a Boom and thought it would be great if I went in as an officer. Now I will say that I looked into the military way before I met him. I'm from a military family and born and raised in a VERY military town (San Diego). So he got me going so much with going in, I'm still debating if I should or not. I just wish I knew more women that were in for them. Most of the girls I knew got out as soon as they met their husbands. If I'm going in I'm going to stay. But if it's not for you, it not for you...no if's, and's or butt's about it!

- Sarah :-) said...

Good LORD no! If I even really wanted to do it, McStudly would probably wet himself laughing at me. I love the military. I respect any and EVERY person that has succesfully made it through boot camp HOWEVER, I have no desire. I am perfectly content being the military wife that I am. End of story. :-)

I stumbled upon your blog through Lindsay at "Laugh along the way". Hope you don't mind!!

Tania said...

Just the opposite in our house...Jon doesn't want me to be an Army officer at.all! He doesn't want to be apart from me any more than we already are. Plus he doesn't want me to have to deal with the "colorfull" mix of people he has to deal with on a daily basis. I don't think I'd take it well either.

Crystal Rae said...

I'm with you, I wouldn't want to be in the military either. Also... It would suck to be stationed seperate from each other! :)

Full of Heart said...

I've thought about it on my own but of course just being a nurse in the military is a little different. I'd be an officer due to having a degree, but I still obviously haven't convinced myself into it enough to do it... I think about it still every now and again as it takes me longer and longer to find a job!

ABW said...

I would love to join, but Gunner shoots it down all the time, and points out all the reasons I would probably not like it. I think it would be a fun adventure, but that's just me. And realistically I know long term I wouldn't like it, but I would just like to do something really hard and accomplish it. LOL As if deployments with three kids and school and everything else is "easy".

If you have no desire for it, then don't do it! You've got a full plate!

Becky said...

Well, let me just say, this is the life I am living. I commissioned 4 years ago as a nurse in the Air Force- I work with Allison- and my husband is enlisted (x22yrs). I was enlisted before children and took a 14 yr hiatus before commisioning. For us, it has worked out- it is definitely work, but has been a good decision for us. No, my husband did not force me, in fact, I went to him with the idea- he is totally supportive of my choices. I think that is the bottom line- you have to be supportive of one another in the decisions that you make. This time around, it was a family decision- my kids had to be completely on board with the idea too as it has definitely effected their lives too. The AF is far better at taking the time to work Join Spouse assignments than the other branches, but it is still stressful.
On the lighter side, he gets ribbed a lot for having an officer for a wife, but takes it well. I have rendered the driveway and lawn a "no hat, no salute" zone.
Actually, the money is very good... once I made Capt, I surpassed any amount I had ever made in the civilian sector- BUT, that is NOT why I took my OATH!