Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Identity Crisis

As some of you may know, Sean has been having troubles with his back for several years due to being Airborne and having a couple of bad jumps. It was so bad last year that he got sent home from the deployment early and since then he's been making almost monthly trips to Germany to try and fix the problem.

He went again this past week to have a procedure done (it's called an IDET) that would essentially melt part of his discs/nerves to help with pain. His main surgeon, whom we both like, said he'd like to try this before they explore actual surgery. Well, when Sean went in yesterday to have the IDET performed, they tried and then told him his discs were so torn and damaged that it was impossible. A different surgeon was performing this procedure and told Sean, "I think you just need to be medboarded). Even though that is not what was discussed for his treatment or what his main surgeon or the doctors here in Vicenza have thought would be the best course of action. To say I'm angry is putting it mildly. You don't jerk someone around for several years, finally saying you are going to do what it takes to fix a chronic problem and then just say they need to be released from the Army.

Sean is going to talk to his doctors here and see what they have to say, but I think yesterday was just the last straw for him. He'd talked about re-classing and staying in until it was time for him to retire, but I think now he's strongly considering going ahead with the medboard process and going back to college. I can't say that I blame him. He changes his mind a lot about this subject, so although he's talking about getting out, it's not 100% that's what he's going to do.

I'd also like to state for the record that I'm in favor of whatever my husband should decide, but I'm also kind of freaking out. I love the fact we'd probably go live in the nearest big city to our hometown and I'd be in the same state as most of my family and friends. I'm excited that there would be no more deployments and we'd finally get to buy a house. However, finding a decent job in the economy right now scares me and as ridiculous as this sounds, I'm worried about leaving the community of Mil-Spouses. I don't really define myself as an Army wife and honestly I don't blog that much about being a military spouse. I feel tied into the community itand if I'm not longer a military spouse, will I feel like an outsider? Will anyone want to read my blog anymore? I can't be New Girl on Post anymore and that feels weird to me.

I know this probably sounds ridiculous to some people, but the thought of taking such a big step and changing what I've been used to for the past 4 years is very scary to me.

25 comments:

tootie said...

I don't think it sounds ridiculous at all. I love the military community, and I would feel the same way that you do.

Maybe it goes without saying, but I read your blog because of who you are as a person and not just because you're a military spouse! :)

J.L.S. said...

It's not ridiculous at all! I will tell you that the transition was VERY scary for me... but we survived it. It might not have been completely graceful or painless, but we did it and we are stronger for it. I have full faith that you will be able to make the transition when it is time. I think it will always be scary no matter what state the economy is in.

And, the community has continued to be there for me despite the fact that I'm no longer a mil-spouse. These ladies have always been incredibly supportive... that won't change just because you aren't a mil-spouse anymore.

Uncork and Unwined said...

Getting out of the Army would be a life changing step, so it's not ridiculous at all to be afraid. Even if you arent a milspouse anymore, the people who like and support you will continue to be there for you. Im sorry your husband didnt get better news and I hope you guys find some peace soon!

annoyed army wife said...

It's not ridiculus. You can definitely still be connected to the MilSpouse community as a former MilSpouse. Seriously most of the friends I've met through blogging I care about as people first and foremost; I'm not going to stop reading their blog or caring about them because they've had some life change. And I hope Sean is able to make a decision that suits him and he's happy with. Good luck!

Samantha the ArmyWife said...

that is definitely unsettling news! Best of luck to you both. I hope you both can reach a decision that is best for your future and your family!

Erin said...

I have the same thoughts. I daydream about D getting out of the Army and how awesome that would be to settle down and never have another deployment. But the idea actually freaks me out! I think it would be so weird to not be an Army wife because that is all I have known for going on 7 years!

Jessica Lynn said...

Oh, I HATE that this is happening to someone else I "know." Have you talked to Lindsay about it yet? I found you because you were a fellow military spouse, but you're right - you don't blog that much about military life, so your readers read because of who you are. We'd all be there to read about the transition—if there is one. Thinking of you guys!

Caitlin said...

I don't think it's ridiculous at all - I was never a military spouse, "just" a girlfriend, but I definitely felt something missing when Rob got out of the Army. Though I had complained and complained about it while he was in, once he was out I realized that the security the military provided--both job-wise and community-wise--were something that had a lot of value. But no matter what, you have each other and you can definitely make this work. I wish you all the best in your decision making and I'm absolutely positive that you will still have your readers:)

Dana said...

I agree too. I absolutly love the Army Life. I was raised with it too. so when my husband talked about getting out, I was freaking out inside. cause all i've known my whole life is army.

kd said...

I think I would like you no matter what! But I totally understand feeling scared about losing that label on your identity.

I feel the same way about D's decision to get out or stay in...I only want what makes him happen. I hope you get some answers that make your decision making process peaceful and easy--no matter the decision!

Jessica said...

Not ridiculous even one tiny bit! We have only been in for a few short years and I, already, would go through a major identity crisis and freak out. It's scary out there nowadays!
For the record.. I would still read you. The reasons I read your blog have absolutely nothing to do with the fact that you are a milspouse.. you're just pretty awesome :)

Lou said...

so not ridiculous, when i think about this trasition is scares me also. When my husband talks about it i freak cause of the economy to. Ill keep you in my prayers, im sure you guys will reach the descion perfect for you both!

Abbie said...

Even though I have no idea what it's like to be married to someone in the military, I do know what it's like to go through big life changes and I think that can be scary no matter what.

I'm sure that whatever you and Sean decide will be what's best for your family and eventually, you'll adjust.

I can't speak for the military community, but I can't imagine that just because you're out of the military you'd be treated differently by those you befriended along the way. You have both been through a lot...I think you've earned the right to call yourselves a part of that family no matter what.

Lisa said...

It's not ridiculous at all! I'm terrified of the opposite... sort of. When P gets his new assignment, I more than likely will have to leave my company and try to find a job.

And you're a part of the blogging community, whether you're a current milspouse or not! You're one of the first blogs I started to read and connect with!

Sunshine Girl said...

Hey Chic!

I know what you mean about feeling nervous to leave the mil community. We're facing that decision now.

I think we're getting out, actually. Husbs is looking at getting his MBA, so that will be a MAJOR lifestyle change.

Good luck w/ your decision! :)

d.a.r. said...

Awww I hope people still read my blog!! Z starts terminal leave TOMORROW :)

It would be a huge adjustment for yall though. We have known this day was coming for the past three years. And have anxiously counted down to it. It's a little different when the decision is sort of being made for you, I think.

Prayers for yall...and his back!!

Shoshanah said...

Not actually being involved in the military comunity in anyway, I just wanted to chime in and say that of course I would still read your blog!!

Sarah Ann said...

I do enjoy your blog for the military aspect, but that isn't why I stick around. I love hearing about your adventures in Italy, I love seeing your photography, and I just plain like you. :D
I understand where you're coming from though, I'm on the opposite side of the fence right now though- I'm excited about my husband reenlisting and about moving...but when he said that he was thinking of making this a career? I kind of blocked all thoughts about that because it's not something I want. I need to just think about it and accept that it's a possibility but it's hard doing that.
Whatever you two decide to do, I'm sure it'll be a great adventure. :)

Angela Noelle said...

Not even a little bit ridiculous. Completely understandable. I'm sorry that Sean has been jerked around like that for so long, and that his back is in such bad shape. It's a scary place to be in when you're so uncertain about what the future holds and how much choice you might have in it.

If he does go back to college, has he thought about doing ROTC or OTS? When I went through ROTC we had a few prior enlisted folks who were in classes with us, and while at times they thought some of it was pretty silly, they were able to share so much wisdom and experience with us and learn more about themselves as leaders.

I'm sure that the two of you will land on the right path for you, and I hope that you get some answers soon. Good luck!

Prim said...

I know how you feel. As much as I look forward to the day we leave the Army behind, a part of me is going OMG what would I do?! What would it be like to not move every couple years? To have Mr M home for an entire year? We have been with the Army for so long and it has defined our lifestyle so much that to leave it earlier than planned would definitely concern me.

I hope Sean is doing ok. Mr M was on that last deployment with him.

Chelle said...

I'm sorry he's going through it. We have been going through our own miserable time with doctors and possibility of medboarding. I hate the lack of communication between the doctors. Hope that it works out for you guys either way it goes.

❈ Annie - Blonde Glambition ❈ said...

These are huge changes that could possibly take place, so I definitely think freaking out a bit is normal and far from ridiculous! Now I would absolutely positively still be an active reader of your blog. You could change your "name" to New Girl in Town or New Girl on the Block, etc. I just wish for the two of you that the doctors could provide Sean with a permanent solution to alleviate the problems with his back. Hang in there chickadee, and know if you ever need to talk about anything I'm here for you :)

Crazy Shenanigans-JMO said...

In this economy I think it's only fair to be worried about finding jobs etc. No matter what I wish you guys the best of luck!

Andrea said...

My husband is looking at retirement in a few years and I am already scared. However, we recently moved to a new base and there is not a big military community here. After being totally immersed in the military community for over 10 years overseas, it really feels different, but okay. i think some transition time is all that is needed. Good luck!

MyDearJenn said...

It doesn't sound ridiculous at all. Hubs and I are going through the process of deciding to get out and it scares me too. However, of course, I'll support any decision he makes. I hope it works out for you guys and that they fix the problem for your husband.