Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Am I Being High Maintenance?

Ok...I have to get this off my chest, because it's really bugging me today.

When Sean and I are apart, it's so easy to get mad at him. Something about him being away from me just aggravates me and the littlest situations blow into something major.

For example: As you know Sean is up in Iowa visiting family. However, last night his cousin, wanted him to go out with her and her boyfriend and friends. Ok...so that wasn't really what I had in mind when I told him to go visit family, but whatever. I like being updated when he's out. A text message here and there and then for him to let me know he's home safely.

I haven't heard from him since 7:00 last night. Granted prior to that he said his phone had a low battery, but my reasoning is that surely his cousin's phone was in working order and he could have sent a simple text from her phone when he got home safely.

I awoke this morning around 4:30 and realized I'd never gotten a late night text, call or anything and pretty much couldn't go back to sleep for two more hours because I was worrying.

Needless to say this morning I'm fit to be tied and you can be sure I sent a sarcastic text message to him thanking him for his consideration in letting me know he's ok.

Ok...that might be a bit juvenile, but I'm angry! I also had another juvenile thought that maybe I should just ignore him today for the same amount of time I haven't heard from him and see how he likes it. Yeah..I know I know. Grow up Melissa. It's so tempting to do though!

So...am I honestly being high maintenance or do I have a reason to be miffed?

Lay it on me girls!

*Edited to add* It's now five and I still haven't heard from him. When I tried to call him his phone when straight to voicemail, so I'm not sure if it's just dead or if he lost it. The only reason I know he's ok is that I saw some pics from last night and one from this morning on his cousin's MySpace page. Keep the comments coming ladies, I appreciate all of your opinions so far!

26 comments:

Lindsey said...

I think you have every right to be angry! I would be so mad if Garth did that to me so I think you are not high maintance at all!

Mrs. Newlywed said...

Ohhh I am the opposite of Lindsey.

Here's my thought. Mr. Newlywed is a grown man. I am not his mother. He does not have to answer to me. If he wants to go out, then he goes out. He is not obligated to contact me and let me know he is okay.

I assume the calls are only going to come when something bad happens. It is my general way of doing things.

That's just me though. I tend to not get upset over these types of things. When he goes home to see family without me, I assume he will see friends and go out.

Honestly, when we aren't in the same city we talk once a day tops. I hate talking on the phone...and I do not text unless there is an emergency even though I have it. I hate texting.

Tasha said...

I would be mad too. Can you get his cousin's number so you can yell at your hubby since his phone died? I wouldn't be able to ignore him for the same amount of time because I would have to let him know how worried and angry I was. Good luck girl!

The Pink Chick said...

I would totally be mad! My husband and I talk and text a good bit when we are apart, so I totally understand where you are coming from. I don't think you are being high maintenance.

indiana.girl said...

I would be mad as hell too, and I also would be tempted to return the favor, so to speak, but I wouldn't recommend doing so. Being a guy, he might not even notice the lack of communication, caught up in the goings on of family, or if he does, it might make the situation worse. But you are certainly not being high maintenance.

Casey said...

I think being angry when they are away (no matter if it is one day or one year) is a coping mechanism. Being mad at them makes it easier to not have them around.

My opinion- A text would have been nice. State your case with him and move on. No sense making it a huge deal now, it already happened. Grand scheme of things? Not a huge deal, but he should know where you stand for next time.

Gwen said...

Definitely be mad. But take it from someone that's been married almost 12 years. They never change that not calling trait. Brian still will go out and not call at all but I purposely place phone calls to let him know where I'm at. It's just not in their genetics. :) I still get mad at him today for it. However ~ don't let it ruin your Christmas. {HUGS}

Kiki said...

I think you're justified in being upset, especially if regular talking and texting are the norm. But I agree with the other ladies and wouldn't give him the silent treatment.

Hopefully when he's back by you, things smooth out.

Erin said...

Yeah, I wish I could lay it on you. But that is usually how I act. I don't know what it is, but the same thing seems to happen to me when Doug goes away. It is totally juvenille maybe, but it happens. The other thing is that if he never called or anything to let me know he was safe at home at the end of the night I would be pretty miffed too.

SassyEngineer said...

I don't know that this is anything different - I get upset when he doesn't call, but I have now learned that he just doesn't think too. I always think that I am going to ignore him, but the truth is that I am so happy to have him home that I can't ever ignore him. I would say let him know in a gentle way that it was uncool, but then I say move on. It makes life so much easier!

Mojito Maven said...

I think I would be more hurt than angry...Mr. Mojito only had to make this mistake once before he learned his lesson. I was so worried. I agree with Mrs. Newlywed, I am not his mom but I am his wife and i expect to be treated with respect and consideration. I say tell him how you feel and that you are very urt that he did not even think to call you and tell him how would he feel if the situation was reversed. After that I say move on and hopefully he got the hint.

Megan said...

I wouldn't be mad, especially considering his battery was low. I trust David completely, and if I wanted to know what he was doing I would have gone with him on the trip. I wouldn't sweat the small stuff.

Carleen said...

I have a hard time relating to this kind of response only because I've always been a "need my space" kind of person (my husband is the same so we make a good fit, I guess:-)Like Mrs. Newlywed, I would assume if he was going to visit his family chances are he's going to go out with them or see his friends too and that kind of activity can keep a person busy, so I think it's understandable if they don't return texts or calls unless there is something serious going on at home. I'd say step back from the situation a little, look at it from different perspectives. Sometimes I find that my reasons for being angry at Mike originate from something else entirely unrelated to the situation. You might have hit the nail on the head when you said that you find it easier to get mad at him when he's away. Other feelings could play in (missing him, wishing you were going out with him, maybe feeling a little insecure, etc). Not to mention you're about to leave the country and live far away from your family for an entire year. That's a very big deal. All of those little stressors can add to situations like this and could leave us feeling a little vulnerable.

Tania said...

I woulda been pissed! I'd also would have been tempted to give him the cold shoulder!

Via said...

I have a hard time with this one because it's exactly how I am. When we're together, we're perfectly fine. But being apart makes it so easy to get angry over stupid things. I don't know what it is, maybe some kind of defect we share haha.

I wouldn't say you are being paranoid. I don't think it's because you have a right to know, but he should respect you enough to actually do what you asked him to (assuming you did ask him too, and didn't just think that he should...you know men, have to lead them every step of the way).

That probably didn't help ... at all. But...there it is. ;]
-Via

Jessica said...

I am the same way, but I think you have every single right to be mad. More than anything you must be worried sick. Even if he is without cell phone he could find a way to contact you to let you know he is ok! All this time without a call/text is, in my opinion, unacceptable. In our relationship at least. I do not think you're being high maintenance at all.
As tempting as it is though, I would try to not go the ignoring him for the same amount of time route. Just make sure he knows how it makes you feel and how upset you are! It's just a respect issue really..
Good luck girl and I hope you hear from him soon!

Abbie said...

I would've been a little upset too only because you are apart from him and during this time of year when the weather can be so unpredictable, it's nice to know whether or not he made it home safe. When you talk to him next, calmly let him know it made you upset...as tempted as you are to ignore him, that's probably the worst thing you could do because it will just add fuel to the fire. You're not high maintenance at all...guys just don't think these kinds of things are as important as we do. Good luck!

morewineplease said...

my feelings would be so completely hurt! mu husband has done that before and it was horrible...I am so sorry, I am sure you are worried. Tell him he needs to be more considerate... he would probably be freaking out if you did the same.

Kiss My Tiara said...

Oh my gosh. I am the queen of this. I could NOT STAND IT when my ex-boyfriend would neglect to call or text when he was out or when he got home. It wasn't the fact that he was out, it was the fact that he couldn't take the 2 seconds to let me know he was ok. This drove him crazy though..yada yada but, since this is your HUSBAND, you would think he would check in and let you know what he is doing and that he is ok, plus want to know how you are. I don't think you are being crazy or high maintenance at all. Can't wait to hear his excuse when this is all over with. I am being crazy haha and it is Christmas so try to not be too too mad but, I completely understand how you feel!!

Jenny said...

I would be mad. It is just a respect thing for me. I would want my husband to just check in to let me know he was alive. You are not high maintance at all!

Mrs. Not-so-Domesticated said...

I know exactly how you feel. Boys just don't get it sometimes. They think that since they're ok, you should just know that too. And its soooo much worse when they're away because your so helpless. When my hubby and I were living apart there were weekends when I wouldn't hear from him and I thought he was dead or something, my mind wanders when I worry. I don't think a call/text is too much to ask for.

Kebi Cedawna said...

I think you probably already know my answer on this one. I'd say you have a right to be upset, I think it's simply respectful to call and check in with eachother, especially when one of you are out of town.
I know that my first reaction would be to do something immature and get really angry (remember how I reacted when Matt took a nap through our plans for my birthday this past year? My immaturity ended up ruining the whole night when he didn't mean to do anything wrong) but now I'm really trying hard to take the higher, more adult road.
I think calmly talking it out would be most effective, it seems like guys usually shut down when a bunch of angry griping starts and nothing is accomplished in the end.
I guess I'm trying to say, be the adult and talk it out. Maybe he can understand that it's not just something that annoys you, it hurts your feelings and causes you unnecessary worrying when he doesn't make the effort to let you know that everything is fine when he's away.

Caitlin said...

I wish I could be more like Mrs. Newlywed is, but I would be upset as well. I think we expect men to think like us (since if I went out, I'd be texting/calling as much as possible so he knew where I was) but really, they don't. They do what they're doing and don't really think about much else. :) I wouldn't worry about being high maintenance though, it's perfectly normal. It's tempting to do the juvenile things but of course there's no point...he probably wouldn't "get" it anyway, you know? Wouldn't have the same affect as it would on you.

I'm rambling! It's perfectly normal, is my point!

Ana said...

I have to admit, I kind of rolled my eyes at this. But, I can relate a little because that's how I was back when Oliver and I were dating. After six years of marriage, however, we've learned to trust one another, and I don't really expect him to call me the instant he walks in the door from somewhere if he's gone. I'd maybe think a little about why you are angry; are you a little jealous he was out having fun without you? Maybe your need to hear from him stems from wanting to be sure he'd rather be with you than with his friends?

I definitely wouldn't let this turn into a massive argument.
It's really not a huge thing (unless there is some kind of pattern of him being inconsiderate to your feelings), and it could turn into a huge thing if you let it. That's no fun to fix later! Just talk it out with him, let him know how you feel, and be prepared to apologize for being paranoid if he feels frustrated by it, because I can imagine he might be wondering why you can't trust him to go out without checking in.

Maybe this isn't what you wanted to hear, and maybe part of my answers stems from the fact that my hubby and I aren't tied to cell phones. He's not allowed to use one while he's at sea, so we only pay for one and use it for emergencies and long distance calls. I'm pretty used to not hearing from him, and had to get over my freakouts about him not caring about him when I hadn't heard from him in weeks. So, that's got a lot to do with my feelings on this subject.

Mrs. Cup said...

I would be upset too! I agree with Mojito Maven!

d.a.r. said...

I would be upset as well. But, I tend to think that being a bitch about it will only blow it up and make it worse. I wouldn't call and wait for him to call me. Then, state my case about how sad/worried I was. It seems to me that being "hurt or worried" seems to get through more than being mad.