I think what set it off is that most of my closest friends have children or are having children. I found out that a few girls I know are pregnant a few weeks ago and I broke down and cried to Sean about how I felt left out and wanted a baby.
In all honesty though, I know it's not quite time for me to be a mother. I know people say that you're never truly ready, but I can honestly say that I am not ready for a child. I'm almost there, but not quite.
I think the main thing holding me back is that we are in Europe and I'm selfish with my time. I don't want to give up going to places at the drop of a hat because I have a child. I'm just not ready to do that and until I feel like I've seen more places and had more experiences living here, I'm just not ready to give that up. There are obviously more reason why I feel that I'm not ready for a child, but that's one of the main reasons. I also don't want to be so far from family when I do have a child. Family is very, very important to me and if I had a child overseas, who knows how often my family would get to see the child.
Do any of the rest of you struggle with this? You have baby fever, but you know it's not quite time?
24 comments:
You're right - there's really no good time to start having kids. You're never completely ready until you actually give birth, and even then it can take some time to get used to being a parent. And having children while living so far away from family is challenging.
That being said, my husband and I were stationed in Germany (we're now in Japan) when we had our daughter (first child), and we never found that traveling was terribly difficult when bringing her with us. She was born a year and a half into our tour there and once she was 6 months old we brought her on her first trip to Prague. And at 10 months to London. And at 14 months to Rome... and many places in Germany itself in between.
So don't let travel be the main reason you choose to wait to have kids. My daughter's favorite thing to tell new people is that she's half German, half American. Which will continue to be true until her 18th birthday. :-)
That actually is one of the big reasons my husband and I aren't considering putting in for Germany. Around the time that we would be choosing our next post/being sent/actually spending time there is when we would probably be starting to consider/try to have kids.
I really do not want to be super far away from my parents and family when I go through labor and become a mom. It's tough too because I would love to live in Europe and be able to enjoy all of the amazing experiences that you've gotten to have there!
I can definitely see where you're coming from, especially on the traveling issue. You saw how tough it was getting Jericho through Venice...it's easy up until they start crawling, but once walking starts, travel gets difficult. If you feel left out now for not having a child, I will say from experience, you get left out even more when you do have one. People can be quick to assume you won't want to go anywhere because you have a little one and it would be too much. I never get invited anywhere anymore, lol. I just started making my own trips!
I have major baby fever! I go back and forth pretty much on a daily basis on if we should wait a little longer or not. I feel like if we wait until the "right" time we will never have children. I am still on the fence which, to me, is a good indication that we are not quite ready yet but almost there!
Yes.. and I've had it more recently. I've been babysitting my cousin's daughter who is almost one and she is a great baby. I can tell when she's hungry, tired, etc. I KNOW that I could if we were to have a child right now. However, we will be stationed in Korea for the next three years and I want to travel. The biggest thing for us though is paying down my school loans quite a bit more so that we can fund our retirement and children's college funds. It's hard though, because I've started to hear that little clock ticking.
We are so ready. But the timing is not. We have another deploying looming this fall and although he will get to come home early to get out of the army that leaves him...unemployed. I think it would be selfish to try and throw a baby on top of that. Or just plain stupid, ha! And we are considering moving (again) which means another job search, etc. It is just too chaotic right now. I know that there is never a perfect time, but there has to be a "better" time, right?
I wrote a post about baby fever and little did I know I was pregnant when I wrote it, LOL, I laugh about it now.
I had baby fever bad and we had planned to start trying later this year and we got an early surprise. I was shocked at first but quickly adjusted and I am so ready to be a mom.
Do it when you are ready but yes you are never really ready. It's all an adjustment along the way. Learn and prepare as you go.
Good luck!!
Baby fever hit us full force in December. It hit both of us like a Mack truck. We've been trying like crazy with no luck. We stopped trying to work our lives around the Army, and just started living our lives. Does it make things harder? Yup, but we both realized we were going to delay our lives away waiting for things to settle down. Now we're both kind of upset we waited this long. I hope once you make the decision to have a baby it goes really quickly for you!
That's so funny that you wrote this today. For...months...I've been fighting baby fever big time. So much so that (unknown to him) I had determined to have "the conversation" this last weekend when we were on vacation and some of the normal stresses of life were off. I didn't, though, because the more I thought about it, the more I realized that A) Our time together right now is so limited (weekends only) that I really don't want to share it yet, B) I partially just wanted a baby because most of my friends have one (or two) C) I wanted a baby because I was lonely for SoldierMan and D) I also wanted to get pregnant because I'm just sick of battling with my weight, and when you're pregnant it's not an issue. And suddenly none of those reasons seemed like good ones for bringing a person into the world. So, at least for a while, my baby fever is cured.
And as much as I'd LOVE to have a family at home near my family...that would involve having children near SoldierMan's family...and I just don't think I could handle that. My parents had a really hard time letting go and accepting that we were leaving...until they were caught in the middle of a SoldierMan's family tirade about how playing Santa with your kids was unChristian and bottle feeding was tantamount to child abuse...and later my mom said, "Well, I guess it's good you're moving then, because otherwise you'd never be able to raise your kids the way YOU wanted, without a battle." I hate that I feel like I have to choose between letting my children know one set of grandparents and protecting them from the others...but that's what it's come down to.
And I feel safe saying this because it's on YOUR blog, not mine. :) SoldierMan and his family have started reading mine, so this is definitely on the list of "those we don't speak of" over there.
The timing will NEVER be PERFECT, but trust me, you will know when you are ready to go for it anyways! It will still be scary and you'll go through times where you doubt that decision, but you will still KNOW you're ready to try. Sounds silly and doesn't make much sence, I know. I'm 32 weeks along and still have moments of "what the hell were we thinking"! :)
I don't blame you at all for not wanting to try while you are so far away from family though. I'm in the same country as my parents and still have a hard time with it!
Really... there isn't a right answer to this. Just think it out for a while, do what feels right, and pray about it. It'll happen when the time is right :) Good luck!
We aren't planning on slowing down our travels at all when Evans arrives in a matter of weeks. It will be hard to be far from home but we go home twice a year and each set of our parents come at least once a year so I think it will be okay. I'll let you know though. Nothing beats the anticipation of having a baby though. It is such an exciting time.
Well, no. I'm not having any baby fever :) Been there, done that times 3!
But I can sure understand and remember the feelings. Daniel and I got married at 20 and had a plan for having kids. And it involved having them young and close together. It worked and it's good. I think that you knowing what you want and having a plan is awesome and important.
My best (unsolicited) advice: enjoy this season of life. Because it will never happen again. And there will be some days, post-kids, that you will survive on those memories :)
Oh yes, very much so but I know that the time is not right at all ! Probably in another two years, plus I want to enjoy just being "husband and wife" without baby..hehe and like you said - being able to go places that you wouldn't be able to with a baby. Family is important to me too!
I want kids all the time. And then I think about how much I want time with JUST Steve once I can move where he's stationed. I guess after all this time apart, I appreciate alone time together a lot more.
I have the same issue - I know I'm not ready but I really want to be ready. I think being near family is such a huge consideration! And no, there's never a good time.. but all will happen as it is supposed to.
You know what my situation is. Even when you are mentally ready I'm not sure you even know what you're jumping into. Pregnancy doesn't really change your life that much. But the baby? Earth shattering. Even with 10 months to get mentally ready I still had no idea.
Wait. If you have any hesitation, wait.
Traveling with the little one is pretty easy though. At least in comparison to other things. Running errands can be cumbersome but travel isn't too bad.
I have baby fever like that all the time. And traveling is one of my mine reasonas well, along with, still too young, family being away, no definite plans for the future...the list goes on. I still get that want though, but I know in my head its not time at all.
I'm definitely not ready for any babies. I'm still young and think that 30 would be a good age to start. I want to do a lot of traveling and go back to school for my masters before I'm stuck with any little ones. Even the fact that I said "stuck" proves I'm not ready :)!
ME!
I love kids, I can't wait to be a mom, but this is DEFINITELY not the right time. First of all, we're not married. Second, I just started a new job. Third, we're not married.
I do look forward to us having kids, and we do see a future together. I just don't plan to have them before we get married, especially since we have no idea what the next 2-3 years will hold for either of us career-wise.
We've been married almost 6 years and I'm about to turn 30 and I definitely have the on again, off again fever. I know I want to be a mom, bt right now I still feel like (even at 29) that I'm coming into my own, I'm trying a new career, and the hubs and I like to do whatever whenever, so kids aren't top of mind right now.
I can completely understand not being ready to give up the ability to just drop everything and go somewhere. Once you have kids, that seems pretty hard to if not impossible.
I have baby fever on and off but during the past few months it completely disappeared. Thank goodness! Right now I am all about my career, graduate school and finding my very first job. At 26 I am still young (but old compared to the average mom in the military).
I have people ask me all the time when I'm going to have kids, and I always tell them not yet...maybe never. My hubby and I have so much more traveling we want to do before we take on such a great responsibility, especially with us wanting to go back to Europe. So I can understand the feeling chickadee.
I definitely feel similar. While part of me wants to have a baby NOW, the rational part of me realizes it would be best to wait at least a few more years.
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