Friday, May 1, 2009

Let Me Hold Your Hand

Today is my day off! Woo-hoo! It's gorgeous outside so I'm thinking Boomer and I are going to take a walk a little bit later on and then I'm planning some tanning outside on the balcony. I wish it would stay this way!

Ok, so I'm sure you're all tired of hearing about Toby Keith, but I promised I would say what happened at the concert AND be truthful about it so here it goes.

- I do know of at least two soldiers that got their pic with him and got something autographed. I think there was a little meet and greet for some of the soldiers before the show.

-Pictures were allowed at the concert, but no video (which I obviously get)

-Toby played for an hour. I was kind of expecting an encore, but there was none. He played, he left stage, people left. The End.

-USO had front row VIP seats. Wouldn't you know it I forgot my camera. I could have got some AMAZING pics. I could seriously kick myself.

I was reading a post on a forum the other day where a girl was talking about how her husband told her when he got back from being deployed that he was taking her to the gym with him everyday because she currently complains all the time that she needs to go, but never goes because she doesn't want to go without him.

Ladies...she won't even go to the gym by HERSELF! How is this possible? Also, its not like he's only been gone a week or two. He's almost ready to redeploy. I seriously sat there for a minute because it was so mind-boggling to me that this girl refused to go to the gym because she was scared to without her husband.

At first I felt bad, because there were all these other Army wives giving supportive comments and such like, "Oh I totally know what you mean, I don't go to the gym without my husband either."

Then I felt a sort of pity for this girl. I look at the girls that blog that had husbands deployed and I never thought you girls were too scared to do anything. You went to Crossfit, you traveled, you did marathons, went to concerts, etc. You didn't let him being deployed stop you from anything. I won't let that happen to me either. The last thing I want is for Sean's deployment to instill a fear in me that I can't do it without him. I mean, I may want to experience some things with him and wish he was there everday for the little things, but I refuse to be scared to do what I want to do.

Do you know women like this? Do you ever say anything to them? Am I just terribly mean?

29 comments:

The Undomestic Army Wife said...

I am on your side on this one. I can only imagine how miserable I would be for 12-15 months if I didn't do anything at all while my husband was deployed.

Craziness!

Susan said...

I agree with you. I think the worst thing you can do during a deployment is sit and "wait" for your husband to come home. I know I didn't, and I have great experiences of my own from living here. I know it also made my husband happy to know that I was out doing things and making new friends than sitting at home.
As for going to the gym ... at least here, when the guys are gone, the women have the gym to theirselves! AND, why would you wait until your husband got home to start working out? Doesn't she want to look hot for him when he gets home???

Crazy Shenanigans said...

I agree, you can't just stop doing things because your alone while your husband gets deployed. I think that's a bad bad combo.

Mary Teresa said...

It is sadly much the same way here. I don't go to the gym...well...because I don't want to. lol. But there are many woman and families stationed where I am in Germany that never leave the base while their husband is gone. They travel to the Comm. and the PX. And home to their apartments. I dont' understand, but I've chalked it up to one of those things that I have to let go, because I can't force them to live.

MG said...

While I find that I'm better at actually making it to the gym if my husband goes with me, I would never not go because he wasn't here! I don't understand people who don't do things because their spouse is gone. Last deployment, my parents were living in England, and I visited them several times and toured Europe. There was no way I was going to miss that, husband or no husband!

Jessica Lynn said...

honestly, one of the things i'm looking forward to when my husband (to be!) is on a TDY or deployed is that I can travel and do things on my own! I've always been very social by nature and I'm a travel bug, so I can't imagine depending on someone so much that I wouldn't even want to leave the house.

d.a.r. said...

Wow, that is so incredibly sad. I mean, I obviously miss my husband and it kills me that he isn't here. But, I was a person before we got married and I'm certainly going to remain my own person while we are married. I can't imagine living a life like that..

Bridge said...

Nope your not mean at all! If a girl can't do anything on her own without her husband then what happens if the terrible were to happen...whats the girl going to do then....she won't know how to open the door without him there....I feel like all women need to be able to live and survie on their own....and when hubby is home the adore every minute of it....and think about your hubby too...how do you think they feel being gone....they don't want to be gone thinking well I hope my wife can get out of the house with out me today...they want to know that their wife can support herself while he is not home....ok really long comment sorry! But your not being mean!

Caitlin said...

I agree with you. I never said anything to the girls I met who were like that, though. That sort of behavior stems from a lot of insecurity and uncertainty of self...I think it's a much deeper issue, if that makes sense.

I regret not doing MORE when Rob was deployed. I was in college and there were definitely times I sat in my room and waited for him to call. But I also went to Russia, met great friends, did what I wanted to do, etc. I think maintaining who you are as an individual outside of your relationship (not just military relationships) is of the utmost importance.

Throughout my time with the Army I met a lot of girls who let their identity get sucked into "Only an Army Wife." Army wife is DEFINITELY a huge part of who you are, but there is also SO much more, you know?

I'm rambling. Anyway I agree with you, you aren't mean, and I hope you have a great day.

Stacey said...

Nope, you aren't mean and I am with you 100%. I am always terribly sad when I'm by myself, but stopping my life isn't an option! And especially with two little ones...I have to stay more busy and occupy my time more to make the time pass. SOME PEOPLE!

I'm sorry you forgot your camera at the concert...But I'm glad that he did more than was originally thought as far as pictures and meeting with troops...

Shannon said...

I think you are incredibly strong for viewing deployment like this! I am with you! Yes, it is going to suck..and suck bad. However, it shouldn't stop a wife from living her life! And attempting to make the most of it! It is an excellent opportunity for women to grow personally and individually. Just because a woman is married doesn't mean she has to stop her life...especially if her husband is deployed. That would absolutely put me in the crazy house!

Full of Heart said...

I've heard many stories like that about Army Wives, but due to my limited experience having actually met Army wives I don't know if that's all rumor or there is some fact in it.
I do have to say that I was SO happy to finally find this group of military spouse blogs, because prior I'd never found any like ya'll! You guys defy the stereotypes, which is what I want to do, and it was nice to know I wasn't alone.

The Rest is Still Unwritten said...

Girl you are not mean at all! Everything you all go through with your husband's being gone makes you stronger. Women should be comfortable enough with themselves that they can do things along. My husband isn't military but when we moved from La to MS, we was gone for almost a month before me and instead of wallowing, I went and had dinner and drinks...alone. I didn't know a soul in La so I had to make-do.

SS said...

I do know women like this and it happens outisde the context of military and deployment too. I personally think that the woman you are talking about in the example would be like that even if she wasn't in a deployment situation. Some people just lean that way, they don't really maintain their own life and identity when in a relationship or become too depenant on the other person.

The Kellys said...

When Tim was deployed I didn't stop doing the things I wanted to do. However, I can see how some women, especially if they live on post, could be nervous. I was out with my friends one night, who all happened to be women, and we were chatting with people at the bar. The girls I was with weren't married and weren't even dating a military guy. (They kept me sane!) One of the guys with the group they were talking to noticed I was wearing my wedding ring and the ring that Tim proposed with, which is big, gaudy and totally fake. He was just curious about it and we had already had the "where is your husband stationed, blah, blah, blah" conversation. His friend overheard us and decided it was his duty to yell obscenities at me and say I was disrespecting my husband for being out while he was gone. I had a few choice, not very lady like words for him. I explained my husband knew what I was doing and he would never expect me to sit at home and cry for 12 months. That's why I can understand...you feel so much pressure to be the "perfect wife" while they are gone. Supportive, a person that they can be proud of. They are off risking their lives and sometimes you feel guilty for doing anything for yourself. It doesn't help when there are other people around who may turn on you and make you feel terrible for not waiting by the phone. (Which I did, of course. I even changed my voice mail so if Tim called he would know where I was and that I loved him.) I'm not saying that's the reason why she won't go to the gym without him, but it may be an underlying fear that someone could assume bad things. It sounds silly but it could happen. Or maybe she's scared of military guys that aren't her husband. (Which is usually unfounded) I know I was intimidated a few times!

Sara said...

Here here! I think this just has a lot to do with the personality of the girl involved. You're outgoing and friendly. You've traveled and had parents encouraging you to get out, see the world and be independent. Maybe some of these girls were afraid to leave home in the first place and even more afraid to be entirely away from family. But seriously, if she can't get to the gym on her own how will she get out and do anything without him? Gas? Groceries? Oil change?

Casey said...

These wives are probably the same wives who hate living in Europe. It's time to cut the cord.

J.J. said...

I think that being self sufficient while the Mr. is deployed is one of the best gifts you can give him. At least that is what my hubby tells me anyway. He feels like it helps him concentrate on the mission if I can take care of things and flourish while he is gone. I want him to be able to focus on what he has to do while he is gone, and knock his socks off when he gets back :)

Alisa said...

I obviously don't know this woman, but your account of what she said didn't say she was scared to go to the gym (maybe the actual post did). But I have to say, I don't like to go to the gym without my husband... in fact I don't go without him. Not because I am scared or I can't, but because it is more motivating and fun for me to go with him! Should I go without him? Yes. But I don't. Does that make me scared? No. Maybe it makes me lazy.

I should note that my husband is not in the military but does travel regularly for work. He's gone about 80% of the time (which I am thankful for as he could be sacrificing much more doing what your husband does... thank you to both of you for what you do!)

Hannah Noel said...

When I actually get into the HABIT of going to the gym, and I love it, and nothing will stop me from going whether someone goes with me or not!


I think that falls into the same category of going to the movies. Why is it such a big deal to go to the movies alone? Or to dinner alone? Don't you eat alone or watch a movie by yourself, EVER?

mewok said...

I'm sorry but that's just ridiculous. And no, you're not mean at all. Sounds to me like a sorry excuse for not *wanting* to go to the gym because she doesn't *want* to work out. I'm sure she goes to the grocery store, doctor, dentist, etc... without her husband. Right?

Jeez, i sure hope so.

Random Musings Of My Life said...

Umm about the girl not going to the gym.. So weird.. I mean really you can not go to the gym by yourself?

No your not mean she is a little bit retarded?

I mean she has not ALWAYS been married...

Tobybear said...

So Toby WAS NOT the jerk and low life that so many of you said he was. I hate when people jump to conclusions and say bad things about people when they don't even know what is said. Not many artists go to places for the troops like Toby does,Toby Doesn't get paid for going over there he does it on his own. So all you others who bad mouthed him are terrible people for saying what you did. I don't care if he only stayed 10 minutes, he came and he performed, be thankful for what you get.

Lisa said...

Definitely don't think you're being mean. Granted, I got out of a relationship where I had to ask permission to hang out with my friends, but since then I've learned that's not the way to go. With P, he is only at NTC right now, and he teases me about all the things I'm doing without him, but I know that he'd rather I was actually out there doing it, than sitting around missing him.

I would be SO bored if I spent the year he's (about to be) gone just sitting around. Definitely not harsh of you at all!

TexasLauren77 said...

Since I'm not married, I suppose that disqualifies me a bit. BUT...I am a military brat, as BOTH my parents are former marines (my mom left active duty when she had me). There were several times I remember my dad being deployed growing up...once even when we were stationed in Japan. But, my mom is a "take-no-prisoners" kind of lady, and there was no stopping her...even with three kids under the age of 12 in tow. Because of that, when I hear about women who stay home and never leave the house while their husbands are gone, it doesn't make sense to me.

Kiki said...

No, you're not mean, that's ridiculous! You might feel guilty for living your life while Sean is gone, but you can't just sit around and wait. That makes the time go by soooo muuuuch slowwwwer. Trust me. He will be happy if you are happy while he's gone, not miserable.

New Girl on Post said...

In response to Tobybear...I do NOT allow people to come on my blog and badmouth me or others, if you have that opinion you can keep it to yourself. Noone forced you to come over and read my blog or my opinions of Toby Keith. Understand? Good.

Mallory said...

I can understand the woman not wanting to go to the gym alone. I am the same way. I am so extremely self conscious about how out of shape that I have become that I am terrified of going alone. Add to that the fact that I have no idea what I am doing and I am surrounded by soldiers. It is hard for me to go when he is with me, I could never go alone before. I am currently with him for a month in Korea and I am going to go to the gym with him while I am here so I can figure out a routine and MAYBE do it on my own when I get home.

I've done plenty of other things with out him, like traveling and I am about to voluntarily move our entire house alone, but there is just something about the gym that I find hard to go alone.

Tania said...

I know women like this. Not necessarily in the military either. I'm awful because I judge, but I don't say a thing.