I'm sure lately you've picked up on a couple of themes in my recent blog posts.
1. I have baby fever
2. I miss my friends and family and want to go home
Now before anyone assumes that the second point means I hate Italy and am ungrateful being here, that's not the case. I do really enjoy Italy and all the travel opportunities I've had living here, but three years is a long time to be away from your friends and family. At least for me it is. I've gotten to go home twice since we've been here and although that was nice, twice is not enough time to truly get to spend with everyone you love. I'm close to my family (even my extended family) and I miss them terribly. Especially around any holiday. Sean doesn't quite understand how close I am to my family because he is not close to his family at all. He doesn't have a good relationship with his parents, so his cousins and grandmother are about the only family he talks to. So, when I talk about missing my family and wanting to go home, he doesn't really understand.
I also have baby fever really, really badly. Up until the last six months, the idea of a baby was there, but it wasn't something I really wanted. I had a lot of traveling and experiences I wanted to do and quite frankly I didn't want to be pregnant in a foreign country away from those I love. It's not that I don't think I could do it, it's just that I don't want to do it. Again, this is another thing that Sean doesn't really understand. We both want children, but he doesn't feel the need to have them this very second, like I do. When your spouse doesn't understand what you're going through, it's tough. Even though he tries to reassure me or make me feel better, it's not enough. I still feel lonely, because he just doesn't have the need that I do.
Lately, when I find out a friend is pregnant, I cry. The last time I thought I might be pregnant and then found out I wasn't, I sobbed. I don't do this. In fact, I've NEVER done that in my life. So, for me to be that upset over not having a baby, it's a new set of emotions for me.
I hate when I try to explain how I'm feeling and someone tells me to, "Make the best of it." Seriously? That's the best advice you can come up with? A sympathetic word or two would have been a lot better than, "Make the best of it". I'm also tired of being referred to as "my only non-pregnant friend". Gee...could you twist the knife in any deeper? I think sometimes people just don't understand that although I'm a light-hearted person, that their words really do hurt.