Thursday, October 25, 2012
I really contemplated not writing this post at all, but since this is something I've really been thinking and feeling today, I'm just going to go ahead and write it.
I have the baby blues right now, or maybe a case of the green eyed monster. Lately every time someone announces they are pregnant it makes a knot appear in my stomach and I get super jealous/angry.
I feel like every. single. time. I log onto Facebook/Twitter/Instagram someone is announcing they are pregnant. Please don't take this to mean that I'm not happy for people, because truly I am. I'm glad that my friends and family are blessed with growing families, but a part of me just thinks, "Why isn't this me? Why am I not the one announcing this?"
To be fair, Sean and I aren't actively trying to get pregnant right now. These last few months have been the first time since we've been married that we even have seriously discussed trying to get pregnant. And to be honest, there are still a couple of roadblocks in the way before I truly feel comfortable trying to get pregnant.
1. I want to have already gone through the home buying process. We are currently looking at homes, but have yet to find one that we really want to buy. I don't want to be dealing with buying a house and all the stress that goes along with it, while I'm pregnant.
2. I want to be in better physical shape. That might seem weird considering I'll get pregnant and then gain weight, but I would prefer to be in great shape when I get pregnant so I will be the healthiest I can be when I carry my child. Not to mention I'd like it to be less hard to get back in good shape if I've already been taking care of myself.
A part of me also worries that maybe when we start trying that we'll have issues. And then what will we do? Then it could be even longer before I get pregnant. And let's face it, I'm almost 30, which I know isn't old to start having children, but having children past the age of 35 does make me nervous.
My jealousy/anger issues are getting so bad that I'm to the point where I don't know if I want to even get on Facebook or other social media sites right now. I'm not sure if time off would help with this, or if I should just suck it up, as I still pretty much have another decade to deal with people around me getting pregnant.