Cravings

It's around that time of the month and today I am CRAVING chocolate. I mean hardcore craving it. I found some peanut butter M&M's in Sean's MRE. Do you know how long it's been since I've had peanut butter M&M's? Too long my friends. Entirely too long.


There's nothing like chocolate and peanut butter in a candy together. Yum.....

Soaking It Up

I'm having a tough time blogging lately. It just hasn't been flowing together for me. Actually I think the problem is that I have too much going through my mind and to put it all in one blog seems too crazy and complicated. I love random blogs, but I'm not sure I want mine to be a complete jumble everyday.

Does that make sense?

I had a job interview today, which went well, but was odd because there were seven of us interviewing at the same time, in the same room.

Anyway...on the way there I was looking at the scenery. I'm a big scenery person. When I was younger I would always read in the car, I didn't pay much attention to what was going on outside of it. Now even on extremely long trips I rarely read. I just don't want to miss a thing that we're passing by. The random wildlife I might see, a funny sign on the side of the road, a cute mom and pop place. Today when I was driving I was noticing how tall the trees were. They are just enormous! Not big around like the Redwoods of California, but so tall and skinny. (The picture below is actually from right here on Ft. Polk, I took it on a walk I went on. )




Very unlike the trees in Oklahoma. I actually think Louisiana is very beautiful. A lot of people around here ask me what I think about living here and I think they are suprised when I say I'm really enjoying it. Sure the lack of a Chili's and other restaurants, as well as decent shopping in Leesville is a downside, but there are other things I enjoy about being here. I have no idea how much longer we will be here, but I don't want to leave thinking about how many things I missed seeing while I was here. To me that's just wasting an opportunity in my life that I have been given. That's one part of Sean being in the Army that I really enjoy. The chance to see other parts of the U.S. and maybe even the world. Sure, there is moving and re-adjustment to deal with and once I have children I know it will be harder for them, but I just want to soak up every place that I am. All the sights, food, culture. I know that sounds sappy, but that's just me I guess.

Everytime I watch the travel channel I see all these places in the world that I haven't even experienced yet and I want to go there. It might take me most of my life to see all the places I want to see, but I think that's one of my main goals in life.

Well, enough about me and scenery....on to more randomness!

I need new running shoes. I've had my current pair for way too long and my shins hurt from running yesterday. Not a good sign! I only buy Asics Gel Nimbus.



They are the only shoes I've found that keep me from having shin splints, back and knee pain. I over-pronate when I run and these shoes are great for that. A little pricey, but still great. I didn't go to the gym this morning like I usually do since I had my interview, but my Bootcamp class has another session tonight at 6:30. I really want to go, but I just don't want to be so sore again. I've just got to buck up and go. If I ever want to see my body change I'm going to have to endure some pain once in awhile. *sigh*

Speaking of my body changing, I haven't really noticed any big changes yet, although Sean swears my butt looks tighter. LOL However, when I was running yesterday I went for longer than I had since I started working out again and I didn't tire as quickly. I'll mark that as a positive in my book!

This Saturday Sean and I are going to a formal. I've never been to anything military like this so it should be fun. I was thinking about doing my hair myself, but I'm awful at it so I'm going to go get it done. Maybe just something simple like a French twist. We shall see. I'll try to get pictures of the both of us so I can share them with all of you on here.

Well....I can hear some housework calling my name. Enjoy your Tuesday!

Working Girl....I wish!

I wish I could say I was a working girl. After being in Louisiana for almost two months I have yet to secure employment. Sean and I kind of had words about that last night. I think he thinks I enjoy being unemployed...that I can spend my days on MySpace and blogging, watching TV and laying around but that's not what I do.


I wish sometimes I could make him see that because of the fact that we have one car it's not so easy to go in search of jobs. During the day he wants to be picked up at lunch, which usually starts around 11:30 and ends around 1:00. Some days he's off work at 3:30, other times around 5:00. So it's hard to play the guessing game of when he wants to be picked up. He mentioned looking for a job in Alexandria which is about an hour away. By the time I left after lunch and made sure I had time to come back it would barely leave me any time to job search! I don't think he realizes that his schedule doesn't leave me time to go out to far places and look for a job.

I've been applying to jobs since about the second week I've been here. Places in Leesville, places on post, government jobs, receptionist jobs....Nothing! One second interview and one phone interview, neither of which panned out. Do I enjoy not working? No, I honestly don't. Before I came here I was working two and three jobs. I enjoyed making a living and I don't want Sean to have to pay for everything. I don't like being at home, just doing housework, cleaning, doing laundry, ironing, cooking and being a glorified taxi service.

I told him I wanted a decent job. I was NOT doing retail or working fast food. I have a college degree and at almost 25 years old I do not want to be working the same job a 16 year old is for the same pay. I'm not trying to sound snobbish by saying that, but after working retail off and on for the past 9 years, I'm done with it. It's so frustrating to have a degree and experience and not even get a receptionist job! That is just embarassing!

I just want to find a decent job. Is that too much to ask?

Failure

I really feel like my self-esteem has taken a nose-dive in the last few weeks.

In all reality I feel like a failure. I told Sean that last night when we were getting ready for bed and he tried to assure me that I was anything but a failure.
My reasons for feeling this way have to do with three issues in my life currently.

1. I have no job, even though I have been looking and interviewing off and on for the past month.

2. I have no friends and I have been living here since the first week of January.

3. I'm not at the weight I want to be at.

All of these things are really starting to get to me. I started crying last night when I was discussing this with Sean. I know that makes him feel bad because he feels like it's his fault because he brought me down here. However, I wouldn't want to be any other place than with him. Being in Oklahoma for five months without him was hard enough even though I did have friends and three jobs.

I want a job so I can get out there and meet people and bring in some money to our household. I hate feeling like I'm not contributing anything. I think I would feel differently if we had children or even if I was taking classes to get my Masters. Don't get me wrong, I do things throughout the day. I do clean and cook and iron and do errands for the both of us, but I want a job. I have a college education and am done with jobs in retail. I've worked retail off and on since I was 16. I'm done with retail for now. I want something that will at least challenge me. Is that so much to ask? Even working on-post for Picerne Military Housing would be a welcome position.

Having no friends is really bothering me too. I don't think I've ever been in a place in my life where I didn't make friends quickly. I keep hearing all these women talk about how close the military families as a community are. I'm sure that's true, but I havent' experienced that at all yet. Even our own neighbors have only said hi a couple of times in passing. No introductions, no inviting us over.....I'm just really craving a female friendship. I need people to relate to. It's so frustrating to me. I feel like the Invisible Girl around here. It's just an awful feeling.

Obviously my weight is a frustration for me right now. Although I am exercising more and eating less I know it's going to take a while to see a lot of results. I want to see immediate results and I know that's just no possible. I'm just ready to start losing the weight and feeling better about myself.

I'm going back to Oklahoma this weekend for a visit and to attend a friend's 25th birthday. I'm hoping maybe some time with friends and family will boost my self-esteem a bit.

Ahh....the weekend

Ah...it's Friday. My favorite time of the week. A whole weekend ahead of me. What to do?

I'm not really sure what Sean and I are up to this weekend. He originally thought he was going to work, but found out today he doesn't, so that's a whole free weekend for us. I think I might be making dinner for Sean and his friend Skeen sometime this weekend, but other than that I'm planless. I'm sure I'll fit some working out and cleaning in there somewhere. It seems as if there's always something to clean around our house.

In the mornings when I'm taking Sean to work he likes to listen to talk radio, it just so happens that in the paticular time slot that I take him to work Dr. Laura is on. So let me ask you this. Does anyone dislike Dr. Laura as much as I do? I find her to be extremely condescending and all around a big know-it-all. Sometimes her advice isn't so bad, but she just comes across as either you take her advice or continue to screw up your life. I don't think she's right all the time and just listening to her aggravates me. As soon as Sean's out of the car I always have to change it just because she irritates me so much.

I had some gumbo today. It was pretty good although I would have liked to have had some shrimp in it. My former roomate Mari made gumbo for us a few years ago and it was probably the most delicious gumbo I've ever had. She had chicken, shrimp and sausage in it. So good....today's gumbo was filling though.

I've been trying out a lot of new recipes lately. The Kraft food magazines that I have been collecting the last few years is where I get the majority of my recipes. They're always so easy and don't have a lot of complicated ingredients to get. Last night I made a pasta dish that was pretty good. A little bit of a tangier sauce would have made it perfect I think. I always love it when Sean cooks though. He's honestly the better cook of the two of us. See....I'm a recipe follower. Sean is more of a instinct type of cook. He just knows when things are ready. I think the things he makes the best are potatoes. Since we've been together he's made a lot of different potato dishes and they are always to die for. If any of you out there ever visits us I recommend that you request him to cook.

I'm still looking for a job. I guess I didn't get the Internet Department Director job at the car lot since they have yet to contact me and he was supposed to make his decision in the middle of this week. I'm ok with that. I just know that by the end of this month I need to be making money. I actually applied for an on-post job yesterday which pretty much is what I've been looking for. It's a Museum Specialist at the museum here and I'd be cataloging items and basically creating an archive. I honestly don't feel qualified for it, but how will I ever learn those specific techniques unless I get a job with a museum? That's why I went ahead and applied for it. The worst they can say is no. I just want to find something soon.

Well....I think I'm out. Hope ya'll have a great weekend!

Frustrations....

This week has been....frustrating, but other than almost wanting to gouge my eyes out yesterday I think I've been holding up fairly well.

See...the main source of frustration for me has been my car registration. It expired the last day of January and since I like to put things off I waited until last Friday to go to the Louisiana DMV with Sean. We thought it would just be easier to get it registered here than in Oklahoma. Well....Friday I needed to have my mom's driver's license number since she is on the title with me, which I did not have. So I took the paperwork home and decided to go back Monday. After waiting about 30 minutes I take all of the paperwork in, she processes it and then tells me to register my car it's going to be $522.00.

My mouth actually dropped open. At the most I was expecting 150.00, but $522.00? You have got to be kidding me! I guess it was because they were taxing it which I think is a load of crap, but whatever. So I call the Oklahoma DMV and see if I can still get it registered there. Since it's still in my Mom's name as well as mine then I can. Whoo.....(Deep sigh of relief) That's only going to cost me $95.00. Which I can certaintly handle.

So....I decide to go get a money order to send. I opt to go to Wal-Mart and get one at the advice of Sean. Those girls there had no idea what I wanted, told me to fill out one form, changed their mind and told me to fill out another and then told me it was my responsibilty to get the receiving code to send it. Uh...can't you look that up?

I basically said screw it and went to the post office, for the second time that day might I add, and had them handle it.

Seriously...at that point the thought of gouging out my eyes was looking pretty appealing.

I made a pretty superb dinner last night. I made a standard favorite of lemon-pepper chicken breasts and then tried a new recipe out of my Kraft Foods magazine. It was red potatos with cream cheese, bell peppers, green onions and some dill. It isn't my favorite, but it was pretty tasty. I also made some strawberry muffins with fresh strawberries inside for breakfast this week. Very delish I might add.

I've been doing pretty well on my healthy eating/working out plan. In fact, since I was weighed at the doctor's office last week I've lost about 2.5 lbs. I'm pretty excited about that. Plus I always feel better when I consistently work out. I'm thinking about giving up pop, but quite honestly a life without cold Dr. Peppers or Pepsis sounds pretty dismal.

In other news, my very good friend Kebi sent me a few pics she took from the wedding so check them out in my pictures!